I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I need to sanitize my soul.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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