oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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