Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
