I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
