It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
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Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
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(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
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