It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
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Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
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i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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