New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Randomize
