Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
