My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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