We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
