Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
babies were throwing up all over the place
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
