just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
