If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
