I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
