I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
