So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize