buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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