Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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