and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Is it penis luge time yet?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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