Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
