Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
