her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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