No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
