Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
