I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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