I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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