i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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