i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
