I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
