Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
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