Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
