The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
