I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
