Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
