tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
