y did u give ur computer a hand job?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Your cock deserves a montage
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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