those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
