At least make sure they are 18
Why
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
