Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
