I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
