her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize