ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
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