He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
