Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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