i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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