I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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