There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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