Where are you?
In a non slutty way
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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