Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
