Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
