Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
