I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
