I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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