Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
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So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
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Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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