he wants to bone in the snuggie
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Come share oat with me in your robe
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