Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
