Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
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