when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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