I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
