She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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