WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
