i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
