he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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