his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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