i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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