Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
