So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
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This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
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Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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