I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
